ONTRUIMING. Dit is nogal ‘n onderwerp wat ‘n mens kan aangryp! Ons het in ons nuwe huis ingetrek. Die ontruimings proses was ‘n ontwaking. Ek kon nie glo ek het soveel bagasie saam met my gedra vir jare nie. Ek het geen positiewe gemoeds veranderings ervaar terwyl ek ontruim het nie. Eers veel later, na harde werk, uithouvermoë en baie geduld het ek skielik ‘n gevoel van verligting, kalmte, vryheid, skoonheid, eenvoud, afgerondheid begin ervaar. PURE SIMPLICITY. Maar hoe het ek hierby uitgekom? Ter afsluiting van hierdie onderwerp vereers, haal ek gedeeltes aan uit uit “Extreme Clutter” Homechannel: June – July 2015.
Clutter is everything that stands between you and where you want to be in life, i.e. physically, emotionally and mentally.
ARE YOU A HOARDER?
Are you feeling; It’s always on my mind but it is too overwhelming and I feel like dropping everything with my house..Things are out of control and I’m a prisoner because of it..I don’t know where to start?..I can’t take it any longer..How am I going to remove my clutter overnight? Are you someone who likes to hold onto things or, Does your house look like a teenager’s home? Can’t your family enjoy things here? Are you 38 years of age with eight years of baggage? Maybe do-it-yourself projects that’s never completed? Don’t you know what to get rid of – to decide what stays and what goes? Do you lock people out?
Wanneer ‘n ou beste vriendin wat ek oorsee ontmoet het en nie gesien het vir jare nie, my besoek in Kaapstad, vind ek sowaar ek het nie genoeg TYD om saam met haar te spandeer nie omdat ek te besig is om my rommel uit te sorteer – en besef toe hierdie is waar –
Clutter isolates you from friends, from your dreams and from moving forward. Clutter prevents you of having healthy relationships. Clutter holds you back from fully embracing your life. Clutter is destructive.
Your desire for perfectionism and control might destroy your happiness. It is time to face your cluttered home that’s swallowed by lots of stuff and stop running away. Running is going to create this again for you in your life. You must end the process. You must get rid of the stuff. 95 percent has to go. And soon you will realize – for 20 years you made such a big deal of your stuff. For what?
You have to get rid of your stuff, so your family can enjoy times together again in your home.
THE WOMAN WHO SLEPT WITH HER STUFF
It’s affecting her marriage. Her stuff has been growing over the years and the clutter is now putting strain on her marriage. Her husband tolerated it for too long. If she doesn’t make a change and do something about her clutter, he might leave her. She feels anxiety, shame, embarrassed, and makes excuses, or uses a sort of emotion as an excuse for all this. She’s been “making love to” her STUFF, “sleeping with” her stuff, “being intimate” with her STUFF, having an affair” with herself… If she removes it, they’ll be able to focus on each other. How far is she prepared to go to push her husband, and pushing him out of the house? She has to prioritize what really matters to her and don’t put her stuff above that. She must be committed to change. Maybe get sibblings, her best friend or her husband to help.Talk to each other as she and her husband declutter together, deciding what must stay and what must go. As a couple they have to learn to live with each other, therefore talk to each other as they’re doing it. It’s OK to disagree as a couple – they just have to keep their goal in mind.
If you buy what can’t fit in but you just bought it because it’s a bargain, bargains has taken over your home and you use reasons as a crush for all your stuff, remember, you can go broke saving money. IF PRICE IS THE BEST THING ABOUT SOMETHING, YOU SHOULDN’T BUY IT.
HOW TO DECLUTTER
Decide; Where is the most cluttered area in your house. Empty your space. Remove all the clutter from your room. (If you can, empty everything onto the lawn). Put like things together to see what you have and to make it easier to sort things out later on.
Create a clear VISION for your space – an empty slate to begin with. Create a vision for yourself of what you want for your space and for moving forward. What is the few words you will use for the mood, feeling, attitude you have for the room? a Vision such as; I want a clean room, or an enviting, comfortable or calm place. (Not the stuff but the room that must be the choice). Your vision makes your space real – this will help you sort out your clutter and from this you can decide what stays and what must go.
Everything gets put together in PILES or BIG BINS on the ground either on the right or the left.
The right pile is your VISION PILE – the things that STAY and you want to hold on to. This pile helps you create and fulfill the vision for your room and helps you move forward. It holds a strong memory for you or reflects what you want for the room. What stays must create the best life for you.
The left pile is your OUT OF THE DOOR PILE. The stuff that is trash to be thrown away, or is for recycling, or that you are prepared to donate. (Place the donating stuff in bags). Get rid of everything you have not used in twelve months.
Or, you might have boxes for: 1. Vision/Stay, 2. Thrown away/GO, 3. Donate and 4. Stuff that belongs in another room.
You must decide what’s IN and what’s OUT. What doesn’t belong in this space? Move quickly. If you get to a certain percentage, make tougher decisions about the rest of the stuff. If you have to think about something..it has to go!
It is stressful! You might feel scared, or that you need a brake! Do you want to ‘take a moment?’ Be conscious of deflecting. When you find it hard to turn away and it’s hardest to stay.. remember; you are not dealing with stuff but with the QUALITY of your life. Sometimes people are unwilling or unable to deal with the emotional stuff. Dealing with your clutter will help you towards healing. Open up your feelings is a huge step towards healing.
After you have done the emotional work, take your vision and make it real to you. And after you have sorted your stuff outside, then bring back the furniture and your vision pile back into the house.
THE EFFECT OF DECLUTTERING
Choose life over stuff. Remember, you’re not only cleaning up your stuff, but your LIFE. You will create a fabulous, spacious, functional, organized and clutter-free home, that feels welcoming, inviting and a sense of freedom. You will be overwhelmed with happiness.
THE WOMAN WHO FIRST HAD NOTHING
Maybe you’re like the woman who, when she was small, didn’t have any clothes, and now that she has, she has to give it all away? And to resort back again to that child that didn’t have, hurt? But the moment she takes a moment, she avoids the issue – which is exactly what she’s been doing for the last twenty years!
You don’t keep anything for the FUTURE. ‘I will get to it later or sometime in the future’ is a problem mindset with people with clutter. How long have you been carrying the need to hold onto these things? Living in the NOW, being in the PRESENT is important. For example, scrapbooking – put only in one box if you’re GOING to use it. Not when: ‘I WISH to exercise’, but rather when ‘I’m genuine going to exercise and use this stuff for exercise!’ (and not when ‘I’m rather going to use other ways to exercise!’).
There are two types of clutter. Memory clutter, which remind you of a person, achievement and so on – which holds you in the past, and ‘I-might-need-it-one-day’ kind of clutter, which holds you in the future and robs you of the present.
Often when children move out of the house, parents fill that void with stuff, but the stuff creates more isolation.
No limits or organization? Keep a hamper or trashbag, and anything you don’t feel you like or want you put in the bag and when it’s full, you go and donate it.
You need limits in your space. Start setting limits to what you really need and what you really want. I can have THIS many toys and this many Dvd’s. If one comes in, one must go out. If there’s too much stuff, it is clutter. Go through your clothes, books, paperwork. File clippings (or place them in a file holder) but limit them – if the file or holder is full, you have to get rid of one. One in, one out.
For example, the limit of your space can be one rack of clothes. Sort your clothes onto the one rack. If you can’t wear it, it must go. The clothes that you love, that fit you now, you look great in, you feel good in, you will wear, and that gather compliments from others – are the only clothes you keep! Standardize your hangers, and hang your clothes the same way. Use boxes for everything on shelves like sweaters or seasonal stuff that you can put up and away.
No one needs more than TEN pairs of shoes. Shoes are like jewelry and very hard to let go. Use a shoe rack to keep them organized.
The closer to your eyes, the shorter the shelve life. For eye shadows it’s a few months. Skin lotions – a year, maybe longer.
Cut the volume of your books to an amount so it can breathe. Regulate how many you need. Or use the ten-to-one rule. For every ten books that stays, one goes.
You need a aerodynamic office space. An organized desk, a flat surface for working on (and not for storage!). Get a sticky board with sticky notes, so your notes don’t lie all over the house.
Remember. If you want to add one, one must go! Set traditions, as in the night before their birthday the kids must choose two of their toys to give away.
Place your photo’s in little boxes, and lable them in chronological order. Have you thought of the idea of placing your grandmother, your mother, you and your child – everyone as a CHILD – together in a frame?
a Lot of the things you keep might not even hold happy memories. And remember you can keep happy memories in your heart. It’s not necessarily wrong to keep something like an old dead flower if it brings happy memories. (You may save things with honour and respect.) But sometimes with death in the family, people attach to such things and don’t want to move on with their lives. a Lot of old memories can prevent you from moving forward.
THE WOMAN WHO SUFFERED DEATH IN THE FAMILY
She suffered loss, and to let her material things go, felt like another loss. Clutter makes her feel helpless and endanger her relationships. It weighs her down, makes her sad. She’s afraid to let others see how she lives, and people don’t visit. She has to force herself to go out. She’s just at home, and cries for help. Her clutter is unbelievable, unacceptable. She will end in her house alone, in the dark, with dusty stuff. She has to find what’s driving her attachment to things, and then address it. When she looks around her room to choose five things of significance or importance to her, she finds a common element in it. DEATH. She isolates herself from friends in STUFF, and it makes her feel safe. She has to embrace life, not stuff. Two of Clutters friends are Trauma, and Death.
THE WOMAN WHO WORKED FROM HOME
Her clutter has taken over her life. Her hobby, which is needlework, have taken over and turned into an obsession. She doesn’t like to let go of the potential of a piece of material she can create into something. She pushes the family out of her space, and out of her life. Her family refuse to come over. What is the priority here? Her family should become before her stuff and she should prioritize time to do things with the family – not something that takes over that’s much more important than the family. You can’t have clutter in the living room and say, You want this room for the family! Even if she says, ‘I’ve always made a success with whatever I put my mind to’- You are NOT successful if your family life is falling apart because of clutter! I’ts not stuff that creates the memories, but being there, spending time and doing activities together. It is not about stuff, but about the quality of your relationships. The day she has to figure out where her stuff belong is today – there is no later. She must get the clutter under control. It is also a fire hazzard. She should look at the function of her living room, filled with needlework, to evaluate her clutter. If she cannot book a factory, she can utilize her garage as a working space. When you want to do a hobby, and want to create something out of something else – you have to set limits. Set a time – if it’s not used by then, it has to go! She first has to declutter her garage, then her sitting room. She has to transfer everything out of the garage. Garages are normally ‘stuff cemeteries’! It should be only for those items truly need to be stored. The function of your garage is; to park your car or for a functioning work space, as in a base for your business. Then she must go on decluttering her living room. THE FIRST STEP IN ORGANISING IS TO REMOVE WHAT YOU NO LONGER NEED, USE OR WANT. As she declutters her room, she has to once again, keep like materials together, so it makes the sorting and letting go process easier. If she sorts through her items and after ten boxes, she haven’t decided to keep a thing, the rest must go. Then she has to rebuild her new garage working space, creating clear ZONES in the space – keeping all things for the same function in the same zone, and use clear labelled bins so she can easily find what she’s looking for.
THE WOMAN WHO’S HUSBAND HAS ONLY A FEW YEARS LEFT TO LIVE
Her husband has cancer. Part of her clutter comes from the health of her husband. Deteriorating health can be the reason for clutter.This woman has been trying for years with fear to hold things together for the family. Now she has to realize she is NOT doing well or ‘getting along just fine’- she is DROWNING in stuff! It’s too much to handle, she doesn’t know where to start, it got out of control. You can’t function when there’s so much stuff. She has to humble herself and call in for help. (It’s OK to to let people in to help you – to give them the ‘gift’ of helping!). There is no life or family activity here, because the stuff is taking over. The barrier between herself and the stuff is the same way as the barrier between her and her children. They distance themselves from her in a way to protect themselves. Her children are dismissive of and don’t want to hang onto the things reminding them of their growing up years and are almost too eager to get rid of the stuff that remind them of their childhood. The children resent their father because they had a childhood that was robbed by his illness. The family have to deal with the emotional issues that led to the clutter. They have to get rid of the clutter to make the best use of the time they still have together. Living in the NOW, being in the PRESENT is important for them. You have to make sure that your lifetime – it doesn’t matter how long it is – is the best possible lifetime it can be. The family decide to donate money to the cancer association – to hold a yard sale. The process of de-cluttering is for getting the stuff out, making some extra cash or donating it for a good course. Then the woman has to decide – how will the room be used, and start rebuilding the new space according to her vision. The house becomes more visible, more inviting. She brings the family back to her room with photo’s of when they were young. She places two big colour photo’s in silver frames next to each other and a bigger black and white photo in a golden frame on a separate wall, a mirror and some smaller frames together in silver frames of different designs. She uses colour boxes as containers. She becomes back in touch with the way she feels, and back in control. Finally the children can talk openly about their father’s illness. Her husband realizes that not only material things are important, but to be happy with your relationships and your family, dealing with your illness and to communicate as a family about your feelings.
Don’t let clutter get control over you.
STYLING YOUR NEW HOUSE (Other Home Channel programs)
At first, if you discovered something you like, you had to have it. But now it came to the point – it had to stop. Every level was filled and it was looking scruffy. Clutter was the enemy here. It saturated the whole house, and you didn’t see the CHARACTER of the house anymore. But, you might even feel your house was only badly ORGANIZED – that everything was on display and that your one issue is STORAGE? Then grab the challenge. It COULD be wonderful!
After you hid your clutter, maybe your house doesn’t reflect your PERSONALITY and it only needs some COLOUR. Two tones give a room character. What you might need, is a bit more mature space, to add a bit of character that says everything about the wonderful individual person you are. You can for example reflect your fun-loving character with colour changing or fairy lights! All the plans you can do yourself. Get yourself a book or file, and fill it with pictures and colour monsters about the kind of look you’re after. Scavage thrift stores and salvage yards for storage and decorating ideas, indulging, looking for bargains (your passion!). Or get the help of some mates. Look for interesting bed headboards, gordious cushions full of textures, patterns, different sizes and shapes. Create an unique interior. You might have to wash old furniture with a spunge and sugar soap, and rinse it with a bottle with clean water. a Little TLC and white paint do wonders.
MY VYF IDEES OM JOU HUIS TE STYLEER:
Ek het uiteindelik net ‘n paar idees.
1. Vyf elemente. Dit maak alles net sin. Daar moet ‘n balans van die vyf elemente in elke vertrek in jou huis wees. Die vyf elemente is VUUR (Fire), HOUT (Wood), METAAL (Metal), WATER (‘Water’) en AARDE (Earth). Kyk byvoorbeeld na ‘n perfekte natuur toneel. Sien voor jou oë ‘n meer met water (Water), ‘n Boom (Hout), rotse (metaal), klippe (aarde) en ‘n sonsondergang (vuur). Of ‘n kamer met ‘n glastafel (water) met terracotta vloere(aarde), ‘n kers op die tafel (vuur) in ‘n gietyster kershouer (metaal), ‘n grasmat (hout) of ‘n hout ornament (hout). Maak seker daar is ‘n balans tussen die volgende elemente in jou huis en in elke vertrek met behulp van hierdie assosiasies. Die verskillende elemente word deur die volgende dinge in jou huis verteenwoordig: Gebruik vir Hout (Wood) – Bome en plante; Hout meubels; Papier; Die kleur groen; Houtpilare/balke; ‘n Hout dek; Landskap prente. Vir Vuur (Fire) – Kerse, ligte en lampe; Driehoekvorms; Rooi en vlamkleure; Mensgemaakte materiale; Prente van die son of vuur. Aarde (Earth) – Klei, baksteen en terracotta; Sement en klip; Vierkantige vorms; Geel, oranje en bruin (natuurlike aardse kleure). Metaal (Metal) – Alle metale; Ronde vorme; Koepels; Metaal voorwerpe; Deur handvatsels, voordeurnommers en metaalrame; Kombuisware; Wit, grys, silwer en goud; Geldstukke; Horlosies. Water (‘Water’) – Riviere, strome en mere; Blou, vlootblou en swart; Spieels en glas; Kronkelende patrone; Fonteine en poele; Vistenke; Prente van water… Vuur smelt metaal, Water blus vuur, Die Aarde dam Water op, Hout verbruik Aarde en Metaal kap hout – daarom is dit wenslik om by ‘n kamer waar Metaal dominant voorkom, Vuur in te bring, by ‘n kamer met te veel Vuur Water by te voeg, by ‘n kamer met te veel Water Aarde by te voeg, by ‘n kamer met te veel Aarde Hout by te voeg en by ‘n kamer met te veel Hout Metaal in te bring. Ek het byvoorbeeld ‘n oordosis Rooi in my huis (vuur) so ek kan die kleur ‘breek’deur spieëls, glas ensomeer, of hout verminder wat die vuur ‘aanhelp’.
2. Fokusmuur. Elke kamer moet ‘n fokus muur hê. ‘n Muur wat in ‘n treffende fokuskleur geverf is, of met ‘n groepering van foto’s of prente versier is, of een treffende ornament of kunswerk. Jy bepaal watter muur jou fokusmuur is deur vanaf die aangrensende vertrek in die kamer in te loop en te sien watter muur sien jy eerste.
3. Balans. In elke vertek moet daar balans wees – ingebring met dieselfde balanserende kleur, materiaal of hoogte. Balanseer byvoorbeeld ‘n ROOI LEERbank in die vertrek met ‘n ander meubelstuk in ROOI, of ‘n LEER kussing. So jy herhaal die kleur of die materiaal iewers anders of aan die oorkant van die vertrek. ‘n Hoë meubelstuk moet byvoorbeeld balanseer met ‘n pot met hoë takke aan die anderkant van die vertrek.
4. Groepering. Groepeer kleiner voorwerpe liewer saam as op hul eie. So ook ‘n versameling van byvoorbeeld kruise, glas ornamente, foto’s, porseleinware, juwele ens.
5. Monotoon. Ek verkies ‘n monotoon vertrek, met nie meer as twee kleure nie. Sulke vertrekke bevredig meestal my gunsteling minimalistiese neiging. Byvoorbeeld alles in rooi, swart en wit (laasgenoemde twee nie rêrig kleure nie) of ‘n wit en al-die skakerings-van-blou kamer.
6. Eenvormigheid. Sorg dat jou vertrekke met mekaar verbind is deur dieselfde gordyne, vloer bedekking, of muurkleur of deurgaans te gebruik. Jy kan ook besluit om byvoorbeeld dieselfde materiale deurgaans deur jou huis te herhaal (soos natuurlike materiale) of dieselfde kleur of twee met ornamente, muurkleur ensomeer.
Daar is natuurlik nog vele ander idees. Tot volgende keer…